United States of America

The United States of America (USA), also known as the United States (U.S.) or, confusingly, America, is an unparalleled example of what happens when a joke gets carried on for too long despite hundreds of warnings that it may have been a bad idea the whole time. Beginning as a colonial project of fringe religious zealots who were so awful as to have been exiled from England, the USA has since grown into one of the most rich, ambitious, influential, lethal, and annoying countries on the planet.

Etymology

The name "America" comes from Amerigo Vespucci who, like other Old World explorers of his age, thought that sailing across the Atlantic and bumping into some empty beach that nobody could recognize granted him license to stick a flag in the ground and call dibs on two entire continents. This has led to the unfortunate circumstance of the name of the country being shortened to America, a name which could in fact refer to the entire areas of North, Central, and South America.

The first reference to the United States of America came in 1772, when during a session of the Continental Congress, George Washington said, "What are we, just a bunch of states in America? We should Unite! ANd become the ummmm the states in America United! No, the United American States. Hmmm... no, maybe the States' Union of America?" This carried on for some time until Benjamin Franklin, known as Big Benny Franks to his friends, interjected, saying, "We should call ourselves the Federated Republic of Benjaminfranklitopia," which was met with rousing approval from the other members of Congress. However, Washington disliked that idea, still trying to make the acronym thing happen, eventually landing on "United States of America" as an acceptable moniker, and the rest, as they say, is

Culture and society

"Americans be eating cheesed burger." --orcpussy, Tumblr

Citizens of the United States believe that they live in the greatest country in the world and they go to great lengths to convince themselves and others that this is the case. A significant part of this effort is a total lack of knowledge about, interest in, or in some cases acknowledgement of, the other countries and peoples of the world.

Americans are known to practice the ritual consumption of a substance known as "Burger" which, according to ancient legend, allows them to convene with the malevolent deity "Grimace". This is the only culture the United States has. Sad!