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John the Email (7th May 1864 – 11th September 1901) was a [[England|British]] inventor. He made many contraptions throughout his time (which included a whisk that could download rice, the Sega Mega-CD, self-replicating church organs, The Ultra Hairy Super Scary Dairy Product Fairy, and The Final Pam); however, he is now most notable for stealing the concept of [[Email]], or ''Emaileux'' as it was known originally in French, from [[Jean d'Emaileux]], a fellow inventor from [[France]]. Nobody knows why, but historians speculate that John the Email may in fact have been what's known in the scientific community as a complete and utter [[User:Thesamplemotion|twat]].
John the Email (7th May 1864 – 11th September 1901) was a [[England|British]] inventor. He made many contraptions throughout his time (which included a whisk that could download rice, the Sega Mega-CD, self-replicating church organs, The Ultra Hairy Super Scary Dairy Product Fairy, and The Final Pam); however, he is now most notable for stealing the concept of [[Email]], or ''Emaileux'' as it was known originally in French, from [[Jean d'Emaileux]], a fellow inventor from [[France]]. Nobody knows why, but historians speculate that John the Email may in fact have been what's known in the scientific community as a complete and utter [[User:Thesamplemotion|twat]].


What can we learn from John the Email? Fuck all, probably. Apart from this: ''never trust British people.''
What can we learn from John the Email? [[sex|Fuck]] all, probably. Apart from this: ''never trust British people.''


== Paper body and Death ==
== Paper body and Death ==
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In the [[Email feud]] John the Email stole [[Jean d'Emaileux|Jean d'Emaileux's]] invention of [[Email]], a telepathic communication standard. The invention was stolen in the [[Email Catastrophe of 1893]] when John gave d'Emaileux a cut with his paper body. He made several attempts to gain all credit, but had a change of heart after a freak boating accident. However, he failed to apologize to Jean d'Emaileux before he died.
In the [[Email feud]] John the Email stole [[Jean d'Emaileux|Jean d'Emaileux's]] invention of [[Email]], a telepathic communication standard. The invention was stolen in the [[Email Catastrophe of 1893]] when John gave d'Emaileux a cut with his paper body. He made several attempts to gain all credit, but had a change of heart after a freak boating accident. However, he failed to apologize to Jean d'Emaileux before he died.
[[Category:White People]]
[[Category:White People]]
[[Category:Things bigger than a small packet of soy sauce]]
[[Category:Email]]
[[Category:Things bigger than a big watermelon]]