Duct tape: Difference between revisions
may or may not have cooked. Tags: Visual edit Mobile edit Mobile web edit |
sections to make things clearer. also added to scientific research. could expand things that can break duct tape to be a bunch of rly specific funny things but idk. |
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'''Duct tape''' is the strongest known material in the Universe. It has been used variously to repair bicycles, cruise liners, ''Shrek the Third'' (although this was not successful), croutons, aneurysms, and the space-time continuum. In fact, the only thing it seems unable to fix is my marriage, amirite fellas??? (canned sitcom laughter) | '''Duct tape''' is the strongest known material in the Universe. It has been used variously to repair bicycles, cruise liners, ''Shrek the Third'' (although this was not successful), croutons, aneurysms, and the space-time continuum. In fact, the only thing it seems unable to fix is my marriage, amirite fellas??? (canned sitcom laughter) | ||
== History == | |||
The first roll of duct tape fell from space in the 2nd century AD, utterly decimating the fledgling city of Manchester and creating a dark, lifeless hole in the ground which still exists today, known as Ashton-under-Lyne. For many centuries, this was the only roll of duct tape in existence, now known as "roll zero", although it had no end, so nobody ran out. The Romans in the area who found it believed it was a gift from the gods, though they couldn't agree on which one, so they wound up killing each other before they could share the secret of roll zero with anyone else. Haha, how silly they were, believing in all those gods. How smart we are now. Haha. | The first roll of duct tape fell from space in the 2nd century AD, utterly decimating the fledgling city of Manchester and creating a dark, lifeless hole in the ground which still exists today, known as Ashton-under-Lyne. For many centuries, this was the only roll of duct tape in existence, now known as "roll zero", although it had no end, so nobody ran out. The Romans in the area who found it believed it was a gift from the gods, though they couldn't agree on which one, so they wound up killing each other before they could share the secret of roll zero with anyone else. Haha, how silly they were, believing in all those gods. How smart we are now. Haha. | ||
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Since Minerva enacted her vengeance, developments in [[Quantum Physics|quantum physics]] and wormhole technology have given every household direct access to roll zero, giving rise to a repair revolution. | Since Minerva enacted her vengeance, developments in [[Quantum Physics|quantum physics]] and wormhole technology have given every household direct access to roll zero, giving rise to a repair revolution. | ||
== Scientific research into duct tape == | |||
Scientists theorise that roll zero is infinite because it pulls its tape from some sort of pocket universe, which has been dubbed "the tapeverse". Expeditions into the tapeverse via roll zero were planned in 2019, however the possibility of a sticky situation arising was, of course, very high, so they went into the spiderverse instead. Yeah. Great choice if you want to avoid sticky situations. | Scientists theorise that roll zero is infinite because it pulls its tape from some sort of pocket universe, which has been dubbed "the tapeverse". Expeditions into the tapeverse via roll zero were planned in 2019, however the possibility of a sticky situation arising was, of course, very high, so they went into the spiderverse instead. Yeah. Great choice if you want to avoid sticky situations. | ||
A vast number of experiments have been run on duct tape, though none have been conclusive as to what the limits of its strength are, nor how this strength originates. Samples have been burnt, submerged in water, submerged in acids, submerged in alkalis, chewed up by a pack of wild dogs, dropped into a volcano, sent a strongly-worded letter, voted off Big Brother, pitted against Mechagodzilla, exposed to the power of the seven Chaos Emeralds, thrown into the Time Vortex, left in a swamp for 100 million years, made illegal, made legal again, launched into space, scientifically disproven, attacked by the gods, attacked by the metaphysical [[God]], and even given a firm talking-to, but nothing could break them. That is, of course, apart from a talk about careers given at an unnamed university in April 2025, during which the sample appeared to tear itself apart out of boredom. It seems the only thing breakable about duct tape is its patience. | |||
== Counterpoint == | |||
Nobody has tried to use duct tape to compose a fugue, so it is unknown whether or not it could create counterpoint. | |||