Pebbles

Pebbles are a subgenre of rocks that emerged somewhere around the early 1920s CD, coinciding with the German Bauhaus movement and its interest in sticks, evolved from the earlier invention of branches. Although their influence on some avant-garde geologists was notable, they never really had the same profound and long-lasting impact on public perception of rocks that subgenres like stones and crystals later would. Their role in popularising rocks, therefore, has been much overlooked; however, their innovations lay the groundwork upon which those more popular forms of rock would be built.

Invention

For millions of years, lava and magma brought forth from deep within the Earth's crust had been cooling and forming solid structures. By the 1870s, however, it was noticed that these structures weren't just any old structures: they were rocks. Inventors for decades afterwards began to attempt forming different kinds of rocks, although due to their numerous impracticalities such as their size, their heat output, their inability to conduct a normal conversation without constantly bantering, and their production of some truly groundbreakingly dreadful psychoacoustic lift music, they were ultimately unsuccessful.

This was, until 1921, when Sir John of Pebble, a British-born druid and Master of the Eternal Swamp, discovered that if you left a rock by the beach for long enough ('long enough', an imperial measurement, is now estimated to be around a million metric years), it would turn into a far smaller, smoother kind of structure. Naming it after Pebbleshire, his Zone of Origin, he dubbed it the 'pebble'. (It is often argued that Sir Pebble named the pebble after himself, thus conforming to the John hypothesis. This wasn't the case, although despite it not being the case, it definitely still is.)

Proliferation

Upon Pebble's discovery of the method behind pebbles, thousands of geologists flocked to the Eternal Swamp and the John hypothesis event scar in space-time, the two main temporal conduits during that period, and travelled back long enough, leaving a rock on the shoreline which, when they returned to the same place in the present day, they would discover had become a pebble. However, due to the prevalence of other geologists' rocks on the same coastlines, it was difficult to distinguish which pebble was from whose rock. Many geologists, being a famously shy subgenre of scientists, decided simply to give up searching for their pebble altogether, for fear of taking someone else's and having to talk to them about it. This is why there are so many on beaches to this day, causing a dreadful nuisance to holiday-goers everywhere.

Those that did find their pebbles brought them back to their living-places and gave special recitals to anyone who'd listen. This kind of prevalence in the media did much to introduce people to the concept of rocks, although, being difficult to operate, they never became a domestic product.

Decline and legacy

The lack of popularity of pebbles as a subgenre of rocks is demonstrated by the 1992 AD Capcom video game, Mega Man 5. This entry contained the robot masters Stone Man and Crystal Man, clever references to stones and crystals, the more popular subgenres of rocks, as well as referencing rocks themselves through Rock, Mega Man's non-robot master name; however, there is a palpable absence of references to pebbles, for instance in the shape of a robot master called Pebble Man. Many pebble enthusiasts have attempted to hack the game, and the timeline, to insert Pebble Man into Mega Man 5, but all have failed due to a lack of crowdfunding. I mean, the boss weapons in Mega Man 5 are beyond worthless as-is; a weapon based on small, smooth pebbles in that game would risk breaching the Milward-Maguire limit of uselessness, which, as we all know, could trigger an omnishambles-level space-time rupture. So, unfortunate as it is for pebblerebels (the term for pebble enthusiasts) across the world, the fact that these efforts have been unsuccessful is probably for the best.

Controversies

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