John John-Hypothesis

John John-Hypothesis (1000-2000 Post-John Time) is the originator of the revolutionary John hypothesis, which, via an accident which threatened the space-time continuum, is now universally true, thanks to timey-wimey nonsense that I made up. She is the most profoundly correct scientist of all time, which is a contradictory statement if you think about it. However, I am, in fact, not thinking at all, so I reckon it's probably true.

Early life

Despite being dead, she still considers herself in early life, so this section, in fact, covers her whole life.

John-Hypothesis was born on a quiet traffic island on the M6 on 36th New January 1000 Post-John Time. Her parents were Gwyneth and Michael John-Hypothesis. The name John was not unusual for girls at the time; however unfortunately for John-Hypothesis, that time was the mere minutes in which she was born. It had been unusual immediately prior, and would be immediately thereafter, until at least about 1016 PJT. Names are all made up anyway. You go queen.

She attended the Post-Johnathonian School of Sudden Appearance Due To Temporal Mishap from 1005 PJT until her graduation in 1022 PJT, with a Masters in Inventionary Studies. (Honestly, these universities and all their woke useless courses... why don't they only teach REAL subjects like Maths, Sciences, and Beating Your Head With A Rock That Doesn't Fit? I fucking love making kids suffer in their education and killing their artistic instincts. Fuck humanity. Proper Subjects Tee Em forever.)

At the age of 29, John-Hypothesis, after a long 4 years of battling the Black Death in unarmed combat, claimed to have struck upon the key to the entire structure of the universe: the aforementioned John hypothesis. She was criticised initially, as most people believed it was a ploy to advance her fellow Johns into high-ranking inventor positions, but none of these people had actually read her study, nor knew of the temporal trickery which would ensue. However, further research into the past and newer examples in the years after her discovery have proven it correct. It is thought that this hypothesis, due to its proliferation beyond the confines of normal temporal cause-and-effect relationships, may provide a route through which the workings of reality itself may be mathematically determined. Of course, following the election of noted felon, paedophile associate, and entire bag of scum Donald Trump as Top Bloke of the USA, progress in this field has slowed dramatically. His administration has cut funding for these initiatives, claiming that it's too "over-inclusive" and "political" to want to understand anything or anyone, let alone the entirety of Reality itself. In a press conference on the matter, the genocidal haemorrhoid on the arsehole of sentient life clarified their position, stating that "science is for nerds".

In the year 2000 PJT, equivalent to 1702 CD, a crack formed in the Universe, thanks to the John hypothesis incident, which called John-Hypothesis towards it. "It felt warm, even simply to look at", she explained in an interview with NME, from beyond the bounds of the physical world. She is considered dead, however she remains in existence, her hypothesis woven into the fabric of space-time itself, as we all are, in some way. By now, her hypothesis has perhaps reached all corners of the known and indeed unknown Universe.

She now exists as the very processes which govern our universe. If there's anything in science that you think is inconsistent or weird or just downright unfair, that's her. She's just avin a laff innit.

John-Hypothesis now resides in Metaphysical California, with her polycule of trans-dimensional catgirls. Her work is ongoing, although it's impossible to understand what that work is or what it implies. We can only choose between living in fear of it, or in hope for it, and I for one choose hope.