Bread Crunchiness Index: Difference between revisions
Created page with "The Bread Crunchiness Index is a thing I made up just now for measuring how crunchy different types of bread can be. == Scale == The Bread Crunchiness Index lies on a scale of 1-10. It can go over that, but if something is crunchier than a 10 it isn't bread anymore. Toast has a Bread Crunchiness Index of 9.4, making it a very crunchy type of bread. Normal bread can have a crunchiness ranging anywhere from 3 to 7, depending on how fresh it is. Extremely stale bread..." |
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The item with the lowest Bread Crunchiness Index is wet slop, coming in just below porridge with a rating of 0.2. | The item with the lowest Bread Crunchiness Index is wet slop, coming in just below porridge with a rating of 0.2. | ||
In [[Sweden|facking Sviiden]] they have a bespoke crunchiness scale to accommodate Knäckebröd (lit. "cracking bread"). The name is widely believed to refer to the hairline fractures in the human jawbone caused by regular consumption of said bread. Off-the-shelf knäckebröd ranges from "aj" to "fyfan" (approx. 11-15 BCI), while artisanal, locally sourced botique knäckebröd found in Northern Sviiden commonly reaches levels of "helvete" and "amensatan." Southern Sviiden, due to widespread wussiness, can't cope with knäckebröd of any description. They're stuck eating limpa. | |||
== What the fucking kind of Bread is this? == | |||
This is '''Ryvita'''. It is made of rye flour and salt. It scores very highly on the Bread Crunchiness Index, meaning it is very crunchy to eat. If you have a gluten allergy you should not eat this. | |||
Latest revision as of 21:46, 13 March 2026
The Bread Crunchiness Index is a thing I made up just now for measuring how crunchy different types of bread can be.
Scale
The Bread Crunchiness Index lies on a scale of 1-10. It can go over that, but if something is crunchier than a 10 it isn't bread anymore.
Toast has a Bread Crunchiness Index of 9.4, making it a very crunchy type of bread.
Normal bread can have a crunchiness ranging anywhere from 3 to 7, depending on how fresh it is. Extremely stale bread might have a crunchiness of 8.
The item with the lowest Bread Crunchiness Index is wet slop, coming in just below porridge with a rating of 0.2.
In facking Sviiden they have a bespoke crunchiness scale to accommodate Knäckebröd (lit. "cracking bread"). The name is widely believed to refer to the hairline fractures in the human jawbone caused by regular consumption of said bread. Off-the-shelf knäckebröd ranges from "aj" to "fyfan" (approx. 11-15 BCI), while artisanal, locally sourced botique knäckebröd found in Northern Sviiden commonly reaches levels of "helvete" and "amensatan." Southern Sviiden, due to widespread wussiness, can't cope with knäckebröd of any description. They're stuck eating limpa.
What the fucking kind of Bread is this?
This is Ryvita. It is made of rye flour and salt. It scores very highly on the Bread Crunchiness Index, meaning it is very crunchy to eat. If you have a gluten allergy you should not eat this.