John Shovel
John Shovel was a straight up upstanding guy. Everyone loves John Shovel! I liked when John Shovel said "It's Shovelling Time" and then promptly invented "The Shovel".
History
John Shovel was born to a family of 
87.
John Shovel never got any love from his parents on account of the 87 children.
John Shovel had a life devoid of love and was frequently bored.
John Shovel ended up living in "The Shovel" Family's Backyard.
John Shovel found every Tools and Doohickeys and Thangmajigs available to him.
John Shovel thought, "What if one's Y level could be lowered by disrespecting God, instead of walking down a hill?" and then founded "The Shovel".
John Shovel dug a very big hole in his backyard and dug up "The Shovel" Factory, and that's why you have "The Shovel" in your home today!
"The Shovel"
A discussion about John Shovel would (of course) not be complete without mentioning "The Shovel". If you believe the discussion is missing something else, you can discuss "The Shovel" here.
"The Shovel" was about 87% responsible for the industrial revolution, and therefore responsible for 87% of the consequences.
Usage
- Gardening In General
- Spleef
- The Coal Industry
- The Mole Industry
- Extraction of Gravel
Controversies
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!! LEAVE JOHN SHOVEL ALONE!!!!!!!!!