Trube’s Top TEN Tips to Transform Tomorrow

By Risinpis Trube

1. Sleep wet. Shower till soaked. Dive under the covers. Your body is convinced it's in "shark mode," stimulating your muscles during sleep.
2. Sleep in a single. Your body should never have enough space to roll around during the night. Any rolling will snap your body out of "shark mode," which is highly detrimental to your muscular and spiritual health.
3. Sleep with shoes on. Warm feet stimulate blood flow, allowing your heart to suck in more oxygen overnight, and the weight of your shoes will further prevent any nightly bodily rustling.
4. Do not sleep amongst others. When you sleep in a room with many other occupants, their melatonin can be extracted through dreams, and I want to make it clear the Dream Council forbids melatonin extraction through dream walking. Once in a lucid dream state (see article 25 "Trube’s Top TEN Tips to Turn Tonight Topsy Turvy") you might accidentally proceed to blink the lyrics to "That's All" by Genesis at 10 times the original tempo (1760 bps). You may, hypothetically, find the most difficult part of this to be, surprisingly, the bridge near the end of the second chorus. That's why you should never sleep amongst others, especially not 7 other people in one room. If this happened by accident, you would have access to the dreams of those within range. This would already be breaking multiple Dream Council decrees, but imagine how much trouble you would be in if you fell in someone else's dream, found the tiny beige cabinet at the back of their subconscious, crawled in and walked 4 days to the nearest Crystal Melatonin Cave, and stole a bucket's worth of Melatonin Dew clinging to the rock walls.
5. Sleep with a stuffed animal. It's comfy.

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