Nintendo
is one of the Four Elements in a Capitalist society
Console Timeline
Mario Console [May 9th, 1984]
Nintendo made a stunning debut on the World Stage with their trendsetting Mario Console. This was an arcade cabinet that could play the "Mario" game, and later Pac-Man stole their idea and became famous instead.
Nintendo Wii [November 19th, 2006]
Doug Bowser took a visit to a playground and rode a really fun swing. Naturally, while swinging, he let out a "Weeeeeeeeeee!" This event caused the Nintendo Wii to be born.
Nintendo Wii-U [November 18th, 2012]
There Is Nothing To Be Said About The Wii-U.
Nintendo ⚠️Weeoooweeooo⚠️ [June 1th, 2012-2]
Uh Oh
Nintendo Gamescube [March 3rd, 2017]
After the rocky release of the Wii-U, Nintendo faced pressure to release something special as their next big console. To stand out, they decided they would release two consoles at the same time to emulate their flagship series Digimon.
On March 3rd, 2017, the Nintendo Gamescube was released into the world. It was received well among the Nintendo audience, and it sold over 5 trillion billion zillion copies. It released with a really strong lineup of games. featuring Starcraft, Nintendogs, Red Dead Redemption 3, and Doom 1. A very special copy of the Nintendo Gamescube arrived featuring a Nintenbaby, and that little boy grew up to be Scott Wozniak.
The Nintendo Switch also came out that day, and it only sold a single copy.
Nintendo Button [March 15th, 2020]
As a last-ditch-attempt to boost sales of the failing Nintendo Switch, Nintendo introduced the Nintendo Button. Crafted from one Nintendo Plank in a shapeless recipe, pressing the button immediately orders a new Nintendo Switch switch to be delivered to the user's home. Each purchase is charged to a convenient Klarma monthly payment plan.
February 27, 2026: Nintendo U
As a joint brand-deal with hyperpop musician "underscores", Nintendo released the Nintendo U, the first gaming console that U can wear on Ur head, utilizing audio-based gaming. Reviews were mixed, citing the one-hour battery life as "unreasonable" and "not enough time to play an audio game." Later that year (May 9th), Nintendo released a Battery Expansion Pack, which boosted the battery life to a whopping two and a half.
Notable Figures in Nintendo History
Shigeru Miyamoto
The self-described "final boss" of Nintendo.
John Switch
John Switch was the only person who bothered to give the Nintendo Switch a shot on launch. You'd think it was because of his namesake, but it was actually because he misclicked when attempting to purchase the Nintendo Gamescube.
Doug Bowser
Supa Mario In Real Life