Email feud

The Email Feud was an argument between Jean d'Emaileux and John the Email over the invention of the telepathic communication system Email.

Origins

Jean d'Emaileux had invented Emaileux in 1886 as a replacement for cellphones, which did not yet exist. In 1893, British inventor John the Email travelled to the Emaileux region of France on summer holiday and observed the use of the communication technology. He thought the idea was wonderful, and went to discuss the invention with d'Emaileux. However, John did not speak French, resulting in the Email Catastrophe of 1893, which was close to starting World War I. In the end, John the Email left with the blueprint for Emaileux and returned to England.

Introduction to England

When John the Email returned to England in autumn of 1893, he introduced Emaileux to Gay Aristotle, who suggested giving credit to Jean d'Emaileux. However, John did not give credit, as he was British in the 1800s. He anglicized the name to Email, and rebranded with an out-of-touch corporate aesthetic. The stolen invention took off, with King Roosevelt IV quoted saying "Email is the greatest invention since sliced bread, which I don't know about since hasn't been invented yet." in his correspondence with Carl Czerny.

Main feud

On November 21, 1893, Jean d'Emaileux sent an Email to John the Email asking him to give credit, or else he would ask the pope to excommunicate John. John did not care, as he was British. D'Emaileux subsequently complained on Twitter, causing John to be doxxed. This did not deter John from his theft, however, as he doubled down by sending out pamphlets of the blueprint to email with split screen gameplay of Subway Surfers. Feeling defeated, Jean backed down from to feud, resigning to his mountain home to finish his essays on sexual liberation.

End of feud

After a close call with death in a boating accident, John the Email had a change of heart. He decided to give full credit of the invention of Email to Jean d'Emaileux. His first step was to send an apology letter, not email, to d'Emaileux. Unfortunately, the decision to use paper was a mistake, as he received a papercut and bled to death, eventually dying on September 11th, 1901. Jean d'Emaileux did not live long enough to see himself getting credit for his invention.