Dental hygiene: Difference between revisions
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== Preparation == | == Preparation == | ||
Choose your location of preference. Make sure all windows in the building are closed. Never perform any part of this routine outside. A house with thick walls and a smell that vaguely reminds you of childhood tends to yield the best results. Walls painted in a cold colour (like blue or ultramarine) might anger the Spirit of Christmas Past.<br> | Choose your location of preference. Make sure all windows in the building are closed. Never perform any part of this routine outside. A house with thick walls and a smell that vaguely reminds you of childhood tends to yield the best results. Walls painted in a cold colour (like blue or ultramarine) might anger the Spirit of Christmas Past.<br> | ||
Gather the ingredients for a good quiche. Sharpen your [[toothbrush]] (any [[toothbrush]] whose hairs don’t contain cyanide will work). Resist the urge to break anything. After this, place a bottle of bleach in a place of easy access. If it has not been refreshed in over four months, refresh it immediately. Do NOT, under any circumstance, perform this step ''before'' all of the prior steps have been completed. | Gather a scalpel and the ingredients for a good quiche. Sharpen your [[toothbrush]] (any [[toothbrush]] whose hairs don’t contain cyanide will work). Resist the urge to break anything. After this, place a bottle of bleach in a place of easy access. If it has not been refreshed in over four months, refresh it immediately. Do NOT, under any circumstance, perform this step ''before'' all of the prior steps have been completed. | ||
== Praying to the Moon God == | == Praying to the Moon God == | ||
If you are using a premade base, skip to step 4 and reëvaluate your choice in ingredients. | If you are using a premade base, skip to step 4 and reëvaluate your choice in ingredients. | ||
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Using the [[toothbrush]], slowly start scraping away the biggest pieces of moss, careful not to touch any of the woody underside yet. Once the pain starts becoming unbearable, turn the [[toothbrush]] around and use the handle to knock any worms out of their holes. It is now time to pull out your teeth for the main rinse. You can use pliers for this if it comforts you, but experienced players often prefer to use their bare hands. The key to keeping your roots intact is to apply a slight twisting motion while pulling down. If you have any spare bleach, you can apply this to your gums to prevent infection.<br> | Using the [[toothbrush]], slowly start scraping away the biggest pieces of moss, careful not to touch any of the woody underside yet. Once the pain starts becoming unbearable, turn the [[toothbrush]] around and use the handle to knock any worms out of their holes. It is now time to pull out your teeth for the main rinse. You can use pliers for this if it comforts you, but experienced players often prefer to use their bare hands. The key to keeping your roots intact is to apply a slight twisting motion while pulling down. If you have any spare bleach, you can apply this to your gums to prevent infection.<br> | ||
Open the quiche, and fill it with your teeth. Allow them to soak for up to four days. When they feel gooey, you can remove them from the quiche and gently open the teeth one by one to take out the hard, inedible seeds. Collect the seeds in a container of your choosing. Try one of the seedless teeth and add salt to taste. Take the teeth by the roots and click them back into place. | Open the quiche, and fill it with your teeth. Allow them to soak for up to four days. When they feel gooey, you can remove them from the quiche and gently open the teeth one by one to take out the hard, inedible seeds. Collect the seeds in a container of your choosing. Try one of the seedless teeth and add salt to taste. Take the teeth by the roots and click them back into place. | ||
== Washing the tongue == | |||
An unwashed tongue is to a washed tongue what evil spaghetti is to regular spaghetti. Never eat spaghetti with an unwashed tongue.<br> | |||
In order to remove your tongue safely, it must be muscular enough to resist breaking. Therefore it is important to perform daily tongue exercises like push-ups and trying to explain to a parrot who is the CEO of Planters® that there is more to life than money and peanuts.<br> | |||
Lick the truth. When the tingling stops, place the scalpel at the root of your tongue. Keep moving it left and right until your tongue is completely severed and take it out of your mouth. Find the purple spot and remove it using the [[toothbrush]]. Now you are able to access your tongue’s mainframe. Keep in mind this renders it vulnerable to attacks (from bats and various other kinds of bugs), so it is important to change your [[password]] regularly and install security updates as soon as possible after they are released. | |||
== Tips and tricks == | == Tips and tricks == | ||
* Number your teeth so you always know where to put them back; | * Number your teeth so you always know where to put them back; | ||