Jesus: Difference between revisions
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'''Jesus ‘the Sex Understander’ of Nazareth''', also known as '''Jesus Christ''' or '''Chrissy Jeebs''', [[:File:Pronounmail fucking dunking it.png|was]] a preacher, teacher, and all around standup guy. He is the son of [[God|Gosh]], and the central figure of Christianity and as such has been the subject of much appreciation as well as many disagreements and kerfuffles throughout history. | '''Jesus ‘the Sex Understander’ of Nazareth''', also known as '''Jesus Christ''' or '''Chrissy Jeebs''', [[:File:Pronounmail fucking dunking it.png|was]] a preacher, teacher, and all around standup guy. He is the son of [[God|Gosh]], and the central figure of Christianity and as such has been the subject of much appreciation as well as many disagreements and kerfuffles throughout history. | ||
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== Early Life == | == Early Life == | ||
Coming from humble beginnings, Jesus was born, wrapped in swaddling clothes, and laid in a Pret A Manger. | Coming from humble beginnings, Jesus was born, wrapped in swaddling clothes, and laid in a Pret A Manger. | ||
== Teachings == | |||
Jeebs was famous for making long speeches, which were often boring, but sometimes snacks were included. He often told his [[X|twitter]] followers to get gender reassignment surgery and to practice good [[dental hygiene]]. | |||
== Top Surgery == | == Top Surgery == | ||
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== Death 1 == | == Death 1 == | ||
Jessy got stapled to the cross and bled out from bleeding. | Jessy got stapled to the cross and bled out from bleeding. One of the Jesus subfandoms, often known as Catholicism, reenacts his first death through a railway network with stops at every major injury James was subjected to, thus giving it the name the Stations of the Cross. Such stops include Jesus is stripped and Jesus is nailed. | ||
== Resurrection == | == Resurrection == | ||
Latest revision as of 06:57, 6 August 2025
Jesus ‘the Sex Understander’ of Nazareth, also known as Jesus Christ or Chrissy Jeebs, was a preacher, teacher, and all around standup guy. He is the son of Gosh, and the central figure of Christianity and as such has been the subject of much appreciation as well as many disagreements and kerfuffles throughout history.
Early Life
Coming from humble beginnings, Jesus was born, wrapped in swaddling clothes, and laid in a Pret A Manger.
Teachings
Jeebs was famous for making long speeches, which were often boring, but sometimes snacks were included. He often told his twitter followers to get gender reassignment surgery and to practice good dental hygiene.
Top Surgery
Chris was one of the first transgender men in recorded history, wearing his top surgery scars with pride.
The procedure made him feel significantly more at ease in his own skin, easing gender dysphoria. Shortly after, he found many excuses to walk around town topless. Good for him.
Death 1
Jessy got stapled to the cross and bled out from bleeding. One of the Jesus subfandoms, often known as Catholicism, reenacts his first death through a railway network with stops at every major injury James was subjected to, thus giving it the name the Stations of the Cross. Such stops include Jesus is stripped and Jesus is nailed.
Resurrection
They put him in a cave and he lived out from leeving.
Death 2
I don't remember how he died the second time around.