Dental hygiene: Difference between revisions
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== Preparation == | == Preparation == | ||
Choose your location of preference. Make sure all windows in the building are closed. Never perform any part of this routine outside. A house with thick walls and a smell that vaguely reminds you of childhood tends to yield the best results. Walls painted in a cold [[Template:Colours.css|colour]] (like blue or ultramarine) might anger the Spirit of Christmas Past. | Choose your location of preference. Make sure all [[windows]] in the building are closed. Never perform any part of this routine [[outside]]. A [[Dr. House|house]] with thick walls and a smell that vaguely reminds you of childhood tends to yield the best results. Walls painted in a cold [[Template:Colours.css|colour]] (like blue or ultramarine) might anger the Spirit of Christmas Past. | ||
Gather a scalpel and the ingredients for a good quiche. Sharpen your [[toothbrush]] (any toothbrush whose hairs don’t contain highly radioactive material like glow in the dark paint from the 20th century or almond milk will work). Resist the urge to break anything. After this, place a bottle of bleach in a place of easy access. If it has not been refreshed in over four months, refresh it immediately. Do NOT, under any circumstance, perform this step ''before'' all of the prior steps have been completed. | Gather a scalpel and the ingredients for a good quiche. Sharpen your [[toothbrush]] (any toothbrush whose hairs don’t contain highly radioactive material like glow in the dark paint from the 20th century or almond milk will work). Resist the urge to break anything. After this, place a bottle of bleach in a place of easy access. If it has not been refreshed in over four months, refresh it immediately. Do NOT, under any circumstance, perform this step ''before'' all of the prior steps have been completed. | ||
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Priming your toothbrush is a part of the routine that is easy to forget, but very important. According to estimates by the [[United States of America]]’s Department of Dental Hygiene and Other Paranormal Activities (USADDHOPA), using an unprimed toothbrush costs the lives of around [[6]]000 young boys annually. Priming your toothbrush ensures that the rest of the procedure happens safely and the chances of wrath from above are minimal. | Priming your toothbrush is a part of the routine that is easy to forget, but very important. According to estimates by the [[United States of America]]’s Department of Dental Hygiene and Other Paranormal Activities (USADDHOPA), using an unprimed toothbrush costs the lives of around [[6]]000 young boys annually. Priming your toothbrush ensures that the rest of the procedure happens safely and the chances of wrath from above are minimal. | ||
Forget everything you know about Luxembourg and cover the floor in at least 3 cm (1,2 in) of bleach. Let it sink in what you’ve just done for 20–40 seconds before deciding you probably want to sell the house soon anyway. Drop the toothbrush from approximately half a metre from the floor, under the yelling of the name of whomever you [[Kissing|kissed]] last. If you are alone on this barren earth, kiss your own hand and yell your own name. Be careful not to let any tears fall into the bleach. When the toothbrush starts unpleasantly smelling of fish, take it out and finish the quiche. If this does not happen, twist the toothbrush 180 degrees and start over the entire routine. If you keep experiencing this issue, please contact our Costumer Service and we will reach out to you in five to seven business days. | Forget everything you know about Luxembourg and cover the floor in at least 3 cm (1,2 in) of bleach. Let it sink in what you’ve just done for 20–40 seconds before deciding you probably want to sell the house soon anyway. Drop the toothbrush from approximately half a metre from the floor, under the yelling of the name of whomever you [[Kissing|kissed]] last. If you are alone on this barren earth, kiss your own hand and yell your own name. Be careful not to let any tears fall into the bleach. When the toothbrush starts unpleasantly smelling of [[fish]], take it out and finish the quiche. If this does not happen, twist the toothbrush 180 degrees and start over the entire routine. If you keep experiencing this issue, please contact our Costumer Service and we will reach out to you in five to seven business days. | ||
== Rinsing the teeth == | == Rinsing the teeth == | ||
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* Is This It (2001) by the Strokes? | * Is This It (2001) by the Strokes? | ||
* What happened on the 4th of June 1989 in Tiananmen Square? | * What happened on the 4th of June 1989 in Tiananmen Square? | ||
* On the topic of white genocide in South Africa, th | |||
After you have got to know your tongue just that little better, it’s time for the unmentionable part. | After you have got to know your tongue just that little better, it’s time for the unmentionable part. | ||
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== A final goodbye == | == A final goodbye == | ||
Look how far we’ve come. Friends we made. Enemies we brutally murdered and without mercy. Friends we brutally murdered and without mercy. I’m so proud of you. Please love me. | Look how far we’ve come. Friends we made. Enemies we brutally murdered and without mercy. Friends we brutally murdered and without mercy. I’m so proud of you. Please [[love]] me. | ||
You have now finished your dental hygiene routine! Congratulations! | You have now finished your dental hygiene routine! Congratulations! | ||
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== Tips and tricks == | == Tips and tricks == | ||
* Number your teeth so you always know where to put them back; | * [[:Category:Numbers|Number]] your teeth so you always know where to put them back; | ||
* Give your toothbrush a name like Harry; | * Give your toothbrush a name like Harry; | ||
* Never eat [[Carrot|carrots]]; | * Never eat [[Carrot|carrots]]; | ||