The Techbro Bible

The Techbro Bible is a collection of religious texts that are essential to the Techbro belief, they include various instructions and prophecies aimed at male software business owners in order to maximize wealth and happiness.

Content

The book includes various instructions on how to run a software business, many of these instructions wound up being applied in the future, such as the spread of subscription services:

Thou shall not provide the user with wares with a singular fee, for the wealth comes from the fees coming in repetition. Doth shall convince him to pay a fare, once a moon, for his salvation Adobe 2:3

Several verses refer to a future savior, who will guide all Techbros to a future tech utopia. As of now it seems as though this supposed savior hasn't arrived yet.

And there will be signs in the stocks and the social books, and on the earth distress of companies in perplexity, businessmen fainting with fear and with foreboding of what is coming on the world. For the powers of the industry will be shaken. And then they will see the Son of Tech coming from the Cloud down into southern lands with great wealth and not much of anything else. Now when these things begin to take place, straighten up and raise your heads, because your redemption is drawing near. He shall purchase the cage that holds the horrible bird, of great stature and blue hue, and slay it. -Return 6:9

Many verses also include orders on how to live as a Techbro and how the ideal Techbro must act and think.

The discipline of the fraternity is crucial, for all your behavior must be that of your youth as a young fraternityman. Thou lack of maturity will guide to great wealth, which will lead to great maidens of equal depth to thee. -Gemini 4:20

History

Despite being named after the central book of Christianity and Judaism, the Techbro Bible is much more recent. The earliest text was reported to have been found in a college dorm room in Palo Alto in 1972, it was later secretly reproduced and spread among the Techbro elites of Silicon Valley. The latest addition to the Techbro Bible, the Book of Unicorns, was finished in 1999. Techbros believe it to be the last book of the Techbro Bible, with any further additions being considered false and blasphemous.

The original author is unknown, although many Techbros believe it was the Original John.

Physical copies of the book are considered to be completely lost, as it is believed they were all burned once a digital Kindle version was made available. This lead to the text being included in a data dump in 2025.