Jesus: Difference between revisions
No edit summary |
No edit summary |
||
| (4 intermediate revisions by 2 users not shown) | |||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
{{distinguish|Jesus 2}} | |||
'''Jesus ‘the Sex Understander’ of Nazareth''', also known as '''Jesus Christ''' or '''Chrissy Jeebs''', [[:File:Pronounmail fucking dunking it.png|was]] a preacher, teacher, and all around standup guy. He is the son of [[God|Gosh]], and the central figure of Christianity and as such has been the subject of much appreciation as well as many disagreements and kerfuffles throughout history. | '''Jesus ‘the Sex Understander’ of Nazareth''', also known as '''Jesus Christ''' or '''Chrissy Jeebs''', [[:File:Pronounmail fucking dunking it.png|was]] a preacher, teacher, and all around standup guy. He is the son of [[God|Gosh]], and the central figure of Christianity and as such has been the subject of much appreciation as well as many disagreements and kerfuffles throughout history. | ||
| Line 5: | Line 6: | ||
== Early Life == | == Early Life == | ||
Coming from humble beginnings, Jesus was born, wrapped in swaddling clothes, and laid in a Pret A Manger. | Coming from humble beginnings, Jesus was born, wrapped in swaddling clothes, and laid in a Pret A Manger. | ||
== Teachings == | |||
Jeebs was famous for making long speeches, which were often boring, but sometimes snacks were included. He often told his [[X|twitter]] followers to get gender reassignment surgery and to practice good [[dental hygiene]]. | |||
== Top Surgery == | == Top Surgery == | ||
| Line 12: | Line 16: | ||
== Death 1 == | == Death 1 == | ||
Jessy got stapled to the cross and bled out from bleeding. | Jessy got stapled to the cross and bled out from bleeding. One of the Jesus subfandoms, often known as Catholicism, reenacts his first death through a railway network with stops at every major injury James was subjected to, thus giving it the name the Stations of the Cross. Such stops include Jesus is stripped and Jesus is nailed. | ||
== Resurrection == | == Resurrection == | ||