Stars

The shit they would have us believe

Stars are a proposed stellar phenomenon purported to explain the tingly shiny sparkleballs seen in the night's sky. According to Star Theory, stars are very big burning balls of fart gas. The theory is widely suggested as Alternative Science along with "aliens playing with laser pointers," "it's all in your head, man" and "you should really not do drugs."

History

Prior to 1984, the only mention of stars were in Frank Zappa's seminal banger Fly Me To The Moon with the lyrics Fly me to the moon, and let me swing my schlong among the stars seem to indicate stars as being stellar phenomena one might allegedly find oneself amongst.

Stars have been frequently mentioned and mansplained by various thought lords such as former Joe president Biden, astrophysician Neil Patrick DeGrassi Harris, and in 1988 by the boy band Boy Meets Band, where the theory is postulated that stars can fall, further evidence supplied by renowned astrophysicist Adele.

Controversies

• Some people claim that The Sun is a star, but given the obvious size difference that's just silly
• Stars have been known to commit arson
• The term "rock star" is derived from "rock start-up," and is etymologically distinct from the word "star" which is believed to originate in ancient proto-indo-quasi-semi-hemi-inuit 1337sp33k. Many Bothans lost their lives to defend this claim. Dumbasses.
• The plural of "star" is actually "astropodes," but jfc
• Many infant stars are thought to be lost each year due to silliness. When they fall out of their nests, human contact can lead to rejection by their mothers.
• Star Juice has been scientifically proven to cause nausea, vomiting and Elon Musk