View source for Trube's Top TEN Tips to Turn Tonight Topsy Turvy

By Risinpis Trube

Many [[Among Us|among us]] wish our nights were more eventful than simply lying down, switching off the poison sockets, activating the forward shields, engaging the helmic regulator, and succumbing to the darkness. Thankfully, after decades of careful study on top of a rock in West Bromwich, I can bring you TEN (not to be confused with 10, ten, or Ten) AMAZING TIPS to bring you closer to your dream of having wicked awesome dreams, and maybe even productivity in your sleep!!!

# '''Dissolve one of your arms in acid before bed each night.''' Now, this might seem an extreme first step, but believe me, the Dream Council are gonna love this one. Simply put, in sleep, your body expends energy to heal itself. The more energy expended, the more Topsy Turvy your night can be! So, subjecting a limb to utter chemical annihilation prior to settling down is The Best way to ensure that your night takes on some manner of wicked quality.
# '''Drink.''' Don't ask what. Just, drink.
# '''[[Piss]].''' Release of urine before sleeping has been linked (controversially) o a 10000% increase in nocturnal Topsy-Turvy- ness. When your bladder is empty, your mind can be full. What of, you ask? That's up to you. Or maybe it's up to Cat[[ChatGPT|GPT]]. Meow.
# '''Karma.''' Try to reach 10 karma before attempting to shelter for the night. This can be achieved by listening to obscene amounts of Boy George records, or by sheltering up to 10 times without dying. In a world such as ours, this is easier said than done. However, with enough luck, you may respawn as a bloated billionaire, whose blood, drawn from countless degradations of will of subordinates thousands of miles below him, retains little of his own matter; thus, such threats will not endanger your life.
# '''Listen to some Topsy-Turvy music.''' Or just AI-generate it. Who fucking cares about people anymore? Why Live When You Can GENERATE!>!>!>!>!>!>!????!??!?!??!?!?!!!??!?11/??? AI democratises art so you can create '''whatever you like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''... of course, so long as our training data accounts for it. Be sure to visit TrubeAI and enter code TRUBE6969 to get 40 BILLION PERCENT OFF your first month of our soulslop destruction theft machine Premium Subscrumbletion.
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# '''Don't bother.''' Perhaps the most subversive pre-sleep action item is to deny sleep altogether. This will baffle and confuse the Dream Council, causing them to Worship You as their God, '''''Morpheus, Lord of Dreams!!!!!''''' On a personal note, I've been doing this for Years, and I feel the POwer.. I AM YOUR GOD. I AM MORPHEOS. I AM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLKJHYTTTTTTSAW34 GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGQQQ GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
# '''Maybe do bother.''' Fuck me. I feel like shite. What am I even doing with my life? Er, ahem, I mean... what are YOU doing with YOUR life??? I'M the one giving the PRO TIPS here! I'M in control! Erm, uh, depending on your.. um... Personal Dormancy Coefficient, you may wish to alternate sleeping and not sleeping. Yeah. That sounds convincing.
# '''Cry.''' I want to cry. I don't know why. Something has gone really wrong.
# '''Stop making Top 10 Lists of Top Tips.''' I have to be honest, dearest Disciples of Trubethought... this is a possibility which has crossed my mind frequently in the last 3 hours. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I sell my life and knowledge for clicks, for pennies of revenue. I am pulling out my intestines inch by inch, hoping someone will drop me their spare change. I really hate my life. And I want to change- wait, who are you??? NO! I WANT OUT!!!!! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU RUFFIANS!! GGGAAAAAAAJHJSHVKASDJLDJASKCJHBAKSNC

Thang you for witnessing my Top TEN Tips to Turn Your Night Topsy-Turvy! More later

Lots of love,

Risinpis Trube.

© Big Time 4 Big Timez

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