Microsoft Excel

2026-03-21T14:28:08Z

Leah:

'''Microsoft Excel''' is a Turing-complete massively-multiplayer bus route that goes from '''Peterborough''' to '''Norwich''' every 30 minutes. Invented sometime before 2010, it quickly became a viral hit with millions of concurrent players at its height. Excel is greatly acclaimed by many and has cemented itself as a key pillar of the [[World Wide Web|online]] landscape and [[capitalism|modern economy]].

== Economics ==
People have been [[mathematics|counting things]] for a while and there's a lot of stuff and a lot of people who do work that turns the stuff into other different stuff. Anyways, people have been counting up the stuff and the people who do the work for a while. This whole process tends to go a lot smoother when there's a place to write it down and help with the counting because counting is hard and its really easy to lose your place. Microsoft Excel is kinda like a stone tablet where you can engrave things like "how many bushels of grain were produced from each plot this harvest" and then turn those numbers into other numbers and then whoever is in charge can make decisions based on what the numbers say.

So strong is this connection in fact that, for backwards compatibility purposes with Mycenaean clay tablets, Microsoft Extra Large still supports Linear B, though the feature 'Export to Clay' has been deprecated since 2016.

== Equations ==
In Microsoft Excel, there's a lot of boxes and in the boxes, if you put an equals sign, you can make the box figure out what it should do based on what the other boxes are doing, kinda like how people talk to each other and ask questions and make decisions based on information they heard from someone else. When you do this in Excel it's called "Equations" and there's a lot of different kinds (some might even say [[no|limitless]]). Each equation can use functions to turn numbers into different numbers. The functions include but are not limited to:
* +
* -
* IF
* CONFIDENCE
* LARGE
* [[Killing|SIN]]
* T

List of Platforms that pronounmail.com has Outlived

2026-03-21T13:36:23Z

Leah:

[[File:Pronounmail fucking dunking it.png|thumb|photo of pronounmail.com as it outlives]]
[[Pronounmail.com]] was [[The Compelling History of pronounmail.com|created]] on August the Somethingth of 2023. Because our servers have the mandate of heaven, we have outlived a large number of weaker platforms. We will inevitably meet the same fate at some point, but don't worry about that right now.

* [[Twitter]] (2006–2023)—Rebranded by [[elon|worlds most divorced man]]
* "[[X]]" (2023–2025 (speculative))—Closed after [[Dave Matthews Band incident|360 kg of human waste was dumped on its chairman,]] [[killing]] [[Dave Matthews Band incident|him instantly]].
* Instagram/Facebook/Threads etc. (2004–2025 (speculative))—Made rightwing by world's second most divorced man
* [[Cohost]] (2022–2024 (well, technically 2025))—Died as it lived, with too many drop shadows.
* Most series on Netflix
* Numerous [[Google]] products<ref>https://killedbygoogle.com</ref>
** Google Domains (2014–2023)
** Google Podcasts (2018–2024)
** Somehow not Blogger (yet)
* Countless Mastodon instances
* The Nintendo Network (2012–2024)
* Omegle (2009–2024)
* Henry Kissinger (1923–2023)
* Netflix DVD-by-mail service (2007-2023)
* [[Brian Thompson]] (1974–2024)
* [[David Lynch on pronounmail the wiki|David Lynch]] (1946–2025) ([[Death|rest in peace]])
* Humane AI Pin (2024–2025)
* Advanced [[Data]] Protection on [[Apple|iCloud]] if you live in [[Great Britain|the United Kingdom]] (2022–2025)
* Pope [[France]]sco (time immemorial–2025)
* Skype (2003–2025)
* Glitch.com (2017–2025)
* Pocket (2007–2025)
* South Western Railway (2017–2025)
* Being able to look at [[Sex|porn]] on Bluesky (2023–2025)
* Greater Anglia (2012–2025)
* Windows 10 (2015–2025)
* Highguard (2026–2026)
[[Category:Lists]] [[Category:pronounmail]]

Web Guide/The Very Basics

2026-03-14T18:07:25Z

Leah: /* Next Up */

{{GuidePage|title=The Very Basics|theme=denim|section=🌱 Make a Website}}__TOC__
Let's do the thing. First of all, make sure you have a '''desktop computer''' or laptop (i'm just going to say "desktop" from now on to save time); you can ''technically'' follow along using a mobile phone or iPad but, for the time being, this guide won't cover how to do that. If you don't own a desktop, pretty much every public library will have some that you can use for free.

The first thing you'll need to do is create a folder on your computer, which will contain all the files for your website. If you don't have any experience working with files and folders, [[Web Guide:Sidebar/How Files & Folders work|now is a good time to learn]]!

== Setting Up Your Website ==
{{#widget:Guides/PlatformSwitcher}}

<div class="platform windows">
=== Windows ===
# Open File Explorer and find a place for the local version of your new site. At this stage, it doesn't matter where; your Documents folder is pretty solid.
# Right click and press "New..." -> "Folder" to create a folder to contain all the website's contents. Give it an appropriate name.
# Enter this folder, then right-click and create a new text document with "New..." -> "Text Document". Call it <code>index.html</code>. This will be your homepage. You might have to go into it and save it as an HTML file in Notepad to make sure it is actually an HTML file, because by default, Windows is evil and doesn't let you see file extensions. Make sure to delete the original text file if using this approach. If you do it via renaming, Windows will ask you if you want to change the file type, and believe me, you very much do. Text documents aren't very useful on the World Wide Web Tee Em, unless they're encased in HTML.
# Right-click (yeah i know, there's a lot of this) your new .html file, and select "Open with..." -> "Notepad", and watch as your blank HTML file appears magically before your eyes as a notepad document containing absolutely nothing. This is absolutely fine.
# If you type things into this and save them, it will save to the HTML file quite happily, though Notepad isn't exactly the best editor for this... see later for details.
</div>
<div class="platform macos">
=== macOS ===
# Open the Finder and pick a folder to place your new site into (it doesn't really matter where, "Documents" is a solid choice).
# Press <kbd><kbd>⌘</kbd> + <kbd>Shift</kbd> + <kbd>N</kbd></kbd> to create a new folder.
# Give it a name and press return.
# Now, open TextEdit.
#If it doesn't start a new document automatically, click "New Document" or press <kbd><kbd>⌘</kbd> + <kbd>N</kbd></kbd> to do that.
# HTML is a plain text format, so we need to go to Format > Make Plain Text (or press <kbd><kbd>⌘</kbd> + <kbd>Shift</kbd> + <kbd>T</kbd></kbd>) to make TextEdit treat it as such.
# Go to File > Save (or press <kbd><kbd>⌘</kbd> + <kbd>S</kbd></kbd>) to save the file. It should pop open a dialog asking you where to save the file. [[File:MacOS save screenshot.png|thumb|right|alt=A screenshot of the macOS save dialog. The "Save As" field is set to "index.html" and the "Where" field has been expanded and the "website" folder has been selected|This is roughly what you want it to look like]]
# Where it says "Save as:", type <code>index.html</code>. In the "Where:" field, navigate to the folder you created earlier (you might need to click the little down arrow to get a proper file picker).
# Click Save. If it interrogates you about the .html extension, select "Use .html".
# You're ready to start editing your website!
</div>
<div class="platform linux">
=== Linux ===
fuuckkk... uuhhhh.. okay. uh

So there are a lot of different Linuxes and they're all slightly different in completely inscrutable ways, so it's going to be difficult to be as precise as you would with other platforms. I am going to assume that, because you're using the fucking nerd operating system for fucking nerds, you know how to create files and open a text editor on your specific flavour of Linux.

# Create a folder somewhere on your computer
#Open a text editor (such as Kwrite, Mousepad, uh, Text Editor) and create a new document
# Save the document as index.html within the folder you just created
</div>
<div class="platform haiku">
=== Haiku ===
# Find a folder to place your new site into (your home folder will work fine).
# Create a new folder, call it whatever you want.
# Open that folder, right click and select <code>New</code> → <code>text file</code> and call it <code>index.html</code>. This will be your site's homepage.
# Right click the newly created file and select <code>Add-ons</code> → <code>FileType</code>.
# In the window that appears, type <code>text/html</code> into the "File Type" field and then close it.
# You can now right click and open your new file in a text editor like Pe (''not'' StyledEdit).

Note that WebPositive's developer tools are currently fairly lacking, so you may want to install a browser like Falkon from the HaikuDepot.
</div>

== Adding Things ==

[[File:Blank Page.png|thumb|right|alt=A screenshot of my empty index.html page opened in a web browser.|How exciting!]]

At this point, you should have a folder with a file called "index.html" inside it.<ref>By convention, the index.html file will be served up when you don't ask for a specific file. A "home page", if you will.</ref> You can double click the file in <span class="platform macos">the Finder</span><span class="platform windows">File Explorer</span><span class="platform linux">your file manager</span><span class="platform haiku">the Tracker</span> or drag its icon onto the "new tab" button on your web browser. You should see an entirely blank page. We haven't put anything in the file yet, so that makes sense.

Let's put some stuff on our page. For the rest of the guide I'll be making my website about my two cats, but you can of course [[Web Guide/What Do I Put On My Website?|make your website about anything you want]].

Switch back to <span class="platform macos">TextEdit</span><span class="platform windows">Notepad</span><span class="platform linux">whatever text editor you're using</span><span class="platform haiku">Pe</span> and just start typing some stuff:

<pre>
Hello! This is the homepage of Basil & Onion. They are the swamp creatures that live in my house.
</pre>

Press <kbd class="platform macos"><kbd>⌘</kbd> + <kbd>S</kbd></kbd><kbd class="platform linux windows"><kbd>Ctrl</kbd> + <kbd>S</kbd></kbd><kbd class="platform haiku"><kbd>Alt</kbd> + <kbd>S</kbd></kbd> to save and then reload the page in your web browser. Hopefully, what you wrote should show up on the page!

[[File:Website with Text.png|thumb|center|alt=A screenshot of two windows, the first being a TextEdit window with the above text written in it, the second a Safari window showing the same text in a serif font.|500px|That's a website!!!]]

== Next Up ==


<div class="platform macos windows">
* Tired of <span class="platform macos">TextEdit</span><span class="platform windows">Notepad</span> yet? Now is a good time [[Web Guide/Text Editors|install a nicer text editor]].
</div>
* Start [[Web Guide/On HTML|adding interesting things using HTML]].
* [[Web Guide/Publishing|Publish your site]] so that other people can see it.
{{GuidePageEnd}}

Leah:

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2025-10-09T23:12:27Z

Leah:

User talk:Leah

2025-10-09T23:10:09Z

Leah: test edit

DataGoo

2025-10-09T21:11:30Z

Leah:

[[File:DataGoo Logo.svg|thumb|120x120px|After the [[Horse MiniDisc]] branding fiasco, Sony decided to go back to its MiniDisc roots with its logo for DataGoo.]]
'''DataGoo''' ('''[[Death Grips|DG]]''') is a discontinued data storage product developed by [[Sony]]. Created to replace the aging [[Horse MiniDisc]] standard, DataGoo offered an increased capacity of 10 minutes of audio playback per millilitre.

== History ==
The first generation of DataGoo containers featured a sharp needle which users would insert into a plastic membrane on the receptacle. This design lead to numerous injuries and hospitalisations, including one incident where a user mistakenly injected themself with DataGoo. We have no idea what happened to that guy.

Sony later introduced a needle-free alternative, with a soft plastic container and a reengineered receptacle featuring a funnel to squeeze the DataGoo into. This version was referred to in marketing materials as the "Coward's Edition''",'' and continues to hold an unfavourable reputation among DataGoo enthusiasts for not being awesome enough.

== Adoption ==
[[File:Datagoo-Wii.jpg|alt=The Wii's Liquid Channel prompting a user to inject DataGoo|thumb|The Nintendo Wii was one of the first video game consoles to adopt the DataGoo format.]]
DataGoo immediately saw worldwide adoption, quickly usurping the [[CD|Compact Disc]], [[DVD]], MiniDisc, [[Horse MiniDisc]], writing things down on paper, and [[:File:Imagination.jpg|remembering]].

== Reception ==
Some critics thought it would be funny if they called it the Sony DataPoo. They soon met their fate.

== Safety Concerns ==
While Sony has always maintained that DataGoo is harmless when consumed, many have reported dire consequences. In one instance, a small child between the ages of four and twenty-seven consumed their copy of Wii Sports Resort, which was stored on DataGoo. While not immediately noticing any side effects, they soon reported to have gained the ability to perfectly simulate in their mind a game of boxing or perhaps flying around in a little plane. I shouldn't have to tell you why this is fucked up.

In 2089, Sony was caught dumping exorbitant amounts of DataGoo in the [[Specific]] [[Oceans|Ocean]], forming an environmental hazard, where everyone who tried to swim there immediately drowned a horrible death. For this, they faced a steep £10 fee and were forced to decrease their disposal rate by 6.5% by 2139.

Moon

2025-10-09T20:07:21Z

Leah: /* Reasons why the Moon is lovely */

{{Distinguish|The Moon}}

'''The Moon''' is [[Earth]]'s greatest companion and we don't deserve her.

She was built circa 200 BC and launched into earth's orbit via daisy-chained trebuchets.

== Reasons why the Moon is lovely ==
* Not too shiny
* Like a big star (but it's a big rock)
* Can change shape
* [[Her|She]] commands the [[oceans]]
* [[:Category:Evil Pages|Evil]]? (Possibly) /pos (short for possibly)

== Controversies ==
Many scientists believe the moon has been plotting some sort of dreadful occurrence. We cannot let this happen
[[Category:Things bigger than Nordrhein-Westfalen]]

Moon

2025-10-09T20:06:55Z

Leah:

{{Distinguish|The Moon}}

'''The Moon''' is [[Earth]]'s greatest companion and we don't deserve her.

She was built circa 200 BC and launched into earth's orbit via daisy-chained trebuchets.

== Reasons why the Moon is lovely ==
* Not too shiny
* Like a big star (but it's a big rock)
* Can change shape
* [[Her|She]] commands the [[oceans]]
* [[:Category:Evil Pages|Evil]]? (Possibly) /pos

== Controversies ==
Many scientists believe the moon has been plotting some sort of dreadful occurrence. We cannot let this happen
[[Category:Things bigger than Nordrhein-Westfalen]]

Moon

2025-10-09T20:06:45Z

Leah:

{{Distinguish}}

'''The Moon''' is [[Earth]]'s greatest companion and we don't deserve her.

She was built circa 200 BC and launched into earth's orbit via daisy-chained trebuchets.

== Reasons why the Moon is lovely ==
* Not too shiny
* Like a big star (but it's a big rock)
* Can change shape
* [[Her|She]] commands the [[oceans]]
* [[:Category:Evil Pages|Evil]]? (Possibly) /pos

== Controversies ==
Many scientists believe the moon has been plotting some sort of dreadful occurrence. We cannot let this happen
[[Category:Things bigger than Nordrhein-Westfalen]]